I know, back in April, December seemed so far away. Anything was possible! You were busy and you just wanted the urgency to go away, so you could put first things first.
Now that far away future is here. Have you accomplished all you wnated to accomplish? Have you added up all your business-purpose miles from your calendar?
If not, please take a deep breath, and stop berating yourself. Beating yourself up because things aren’t as they “should be” is a waste of energy. It’s like aol or norton antivirus, always running in background draining your computing power. I trust that you learned this behavior honestly, as a strategy for motivation. Thing is, it doesn’t work. Your parents, your teachers, did the best they could, but you’ve out grown
AND it makes you smaller, your perspective narrows.
Practice, just a moment at a time, accepting what is.